


Men Can't Have Kids

by loonoosmith



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Crack, How Do I Tag, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, Implied Mpreg, M/M, Mpreg, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-16 01:53:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29445852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loonoosmith/pseuds/loonoosmith
Summary: George suspects Alex is pregnant
Comments: 7
Kudos: 18





	Men Can't Have Kids

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this after Eboys podcast 19, so this takes place in their old flat lmao. I'm just uploading it late bc I forgot abt it until now

“Men can’t have kids mate.” Alex’s words from the podcast rang through George’s unmasked ears as he stared down at the positive pregnancy test in disbelief. He was definitely single, and as far as he knew Alex was as well. There definitely hadn’t been any birds over that he knew about so then…?

“Alex?” he called out, walking slowly towards his good friend’s room. He heard Alex mumble something and peaked his head in the door as Alex took off his headphones. The other man spun his gaming chair around to face him and furrowed his brow at the expression on George’s face.

“What is it George, I’m streaming right now,” he said, bouncing his leg anxiously. He glanced back at the screen where Minecraft was still running.

“I…” George paused, knowing this was definitely not something they should be talking about on stream. Also, what exactly was he about to ask Alex anyways? He really hadn’t thought this through.

“Er, when are you going off stream?” he asked instead of the million other questions bouncing through his head.

“Uh, I dunno mate, is this urgent?” Alex cocked his head cutely, like a small hyperactive dog.

“Er-” Yeah, it seemed pretty urgent to George. _Somebody_ was pregnant and it wasn’t _himself._

“Nah, tell you later.” Alex looked at him strangely before spinning back to the screen and putting his headphones back on.

“Yeah, sorry guys, George is being a little weirdchamp right now…” George realized belatedly as he headed back to his own room that Alex had been wearing George’s cat headphones.

_I knew that rat-faced goblin man only bought those for himself_ , George thought to himself as he retreated back to his own territory. He sat down on his disturbingly white bed, and looked down again at the pregnancy test he was still holding. It still read positive, shockingly. George wasn’t sure why he thought it might’ve changed between the time he scooped it out of the kitchen trash can and now, but it had seemed worth a shot to make sure he hadn’t hallucinated the whole thing.

_Really, this is all Alex’s fault. Who disposes of a pregnancy test in the kitchen trash can? It was laying right there at the top! What did the girl piss on it in the kitchen or something?_ George stared down at the pregnancy test, searching for answers in the two pinkish lines.

_Wait, someone pissed on this_ \- George flung the thing away with a disgusted flick as he realized that he’d been holding a pee-soaked pregnancy test for the last five minutes. Horribly, it somehow landed on the pile of fake merch he had left stacked in his bathroom for the past year and a half.

Shaking his hand in disgust, George stepped over the pile of discarded clothing into his bathroom to wash the germs off his hand.

“Fucking Alex and his piss,” he muttered to himself, scrubbing his hands furiously. He shook his hands dry and glanced back at the pregnancy test resting on top of the pile of useless clothing, like a piss-soaked cherry on the sundae of shit clothing.

George chewed his lips, feeling odd about the lack of fabric getting into his mouth. Normally he wore the mask around the house, to ensure he didn’t catch any diseases from Alex, but he’d taken it off in shock after discovering the pregnancy test.

_Who had Alex gotten pregnant anyways?_ While he, Mr. Memelous, regularly did the sex with his multiple girlfriends pre-pandemic, he didn’t think Alex had ever talked to a girl before. The idea of him impregnating anyone was a very shocking concept for him to consider.

_Maybe it wasn’t Alex doing the impregnating…_

Was Alex… was Alex pregnant? Biologically it was impossible, but biologically a man as attractive as himself should have been impossible too…

George was beginning to think that this crazy idea was actually plausible. Alex had been wearing more bulky clothing recently… was it to hide his baby bump?

_It’s probably because we live in “England” and it’s the middle of winter_ , the logical side of George’s brain supplied. _Or it’s to hide his pregnancy!_ screamed the illogical side of George’s psyche. George considered the two options, and decided it was far more likely that Alex was pregnant. But who was the father?

_Well that part’s obvious at least: James is daddy._

George grabbed a bit of toilet tissue and picked the pregnancy test up off the lump of clothing once more, just to check that it really was a positive test. The two pink lines still glared out at him, seeming much more malicious now that George knew that Alex was the one who was pregnant. He grimaced as he realized this was the third time he’d been forced to interact with something Alex had pissed on.

George felt more than a little angry now. He and Alex lived together! Surely Alex trusted him enough to tell him about his pregnancy… or maybe he was ashamed. George wasn’t a bigot; he thought men and women were equal. _Apparently that applies to more than equal rights equal fights_ George thought to himself with a frown. He really did feel more than a little betrayed that Alex hadn’t told him about the pregnancy.

“George, are you in here? I’m done streaming, what did you want to talk abou…” Alex trailed off as he saw George standing with the pregnancy test in hand. There was an awkward silence as the two stared at each other, blue eyes meeting blue eyes. Alex scratched his neck awkwardly as his eyes flicked down to the pregnancy test George was holding reverently.

“Uh, what do you have there George?” Alex asked at the same time as George cried, “When were you gonna tell me you’re fucking pregnant, Alex?”

Alex’s eyes widened at George’s statement, mouth dropping open in shock.

“Sorry?” he asked in a question that wasn’t really a question, before looking back down at the pregnancy test in George’s hand.

“Have you been going through my trash again?!” he accused.

“You left this in the kitchen trash can!”

“Why were you digging through the kitchen trash!?”

“It was just laying on the top Alex! Why did you throw this out in the kitchen anyways!?”

“I purposefully put a napkin on top of it!”

“Ok, so I was digging a little bit through the trash,” George scowled, going on the defensive. “Why were you hiding a positive pregnancy test?”

“Is this gonna be a habit of yours George, digging through the trash cans looking for my garbage?”

“Fucking hell Alex, I go through your trash _one time-”_

“Twice!”

“I had good reason!”

“Why would I throw out your Yugi-Oh card, what could I _possibly_ gain from throwing out your-”

“I don’t know Alex, clearly you’ve been keeping _secrets lately_ ,” George accused, shaking the pregnancy test in Alex’s direction. 

“Trash digger.”

“Yugi-Oh thief.”

They glared at each other for a moment, before the tension dissipated as quickly as it had arose.

“Seriously Alex, when were you gonna tell me you were pregnant? You didn’t have to hide this you know, I’ll - I’ll support you or whatever,” George said awkwardly, shifting uncomfortably. Alex rubbed his hands over his face with a groan.

“George, I’m not pregnant.”

“This test says otherwise Alex,” he replied with a frown. Alex stared at George with an unreadable expression before responding.

“George, I don’t know if you’ve noticed this, but I sort of have a penis.”

“Alex, do you think I’m some kind of idiot? I know that,” George huffed, rolling his eyes. Alex rubbed his temples.

“Christ I’m getting a headache,” he mumbled.

“Aha! That’s _another_ pregnancy symptom, and you’ve been wearing bulky clothes recently-”

“George! I am not pregnant!” Alex cried, cutting him off.

“Well this pregnancy test says otherwise,” George shot back triumphantly, shoving the test towards Alex as proof.

“George, do you know what a false positive is?” George rolled his eyes again in response.

“I took Night Nurse last night you idiot. It can cause false pregnancy tests. I was half asleep and I thought it would be funny. Did you just seriously accuse me of being pregnant?” George blinked. He really hadn’t considered that. A small smile broke out on Alex’s face, and George rushed to defend himself.

“Well to be fair you’ve been wearing all those bulky clothes recently.”

“Yeah, because we live in “England” and it’s 2 degrees out,” Alex shot back sarcastically, smiling wider.

“Well when you say stuff like that I feel like a bit of an idiot, Alex,” George mumbled, feeling his face redden. “It’s not like you have a girlfriend or anything I could’ve blamed this on you know.”

“So you immediately assumed that I was pregnant?” Alex replied sarcastically. George’s face heated more in embarrassment.

“Er-”

“George, sometimes it’s really obvious to me why you bought Bitcoin,” Alex said, walking out of George’s room. He paused in the doorway.

“Oh, and for the record I _do_ have a girlfriend, you know.”

“You talk to girls?!” George blurted incredulously.

“That feels offensive.”

“It was meant to be.”

The two stared at each other with narrowed eyes before Alex turned to leave for good.

“Well fucking hell Alex, tell me who she is then,” George asked, curiosity getting the best of him.

“Nah mate, you won’t believe me,” Alex replied, grinning slightly.

“Oh come on Alex, don’t leave me in the dark here,” George groaned.

“Belle Delphine.” George laughed shortly, before seeing the expression on Alex’s face.

“Oh come on, you’re taking the piss.”

“What, you think I just regularly watch any girl’s sex tape?” George’s face fell for a moment as he briefly considered that Alex was actually telling the truth. Alex caught the look on his face and grinned wider. George really wasn’t sure if he was being baited. Alex was a lying little cunt, but that just meant that sometimes the outrageous things he said were sometimes the truth.

“You two went to the same school you know. Practically incest, isn’t it?” he tried, waiting to see if Alex would drop the bit. Alex turned back towards him, the grin on his face turning slightly feral.

“That’s half the fun, mate.”

Sometimes George really hated sharing living quarters with ImAllexx.


End file.
